Ten Reasons Why I Think Facebook Should Disappear

I signed up for Facebook a while back and never used it. I planned a couple of reunion type visits with select friends from high school and bailed every time. I am just too cool, apparently. However, I then convinced my boyfriend, now fiance, to join to reconnect with some college buddies. I now understand how bad of an idea that was.

1. Family Requests - Luckily for me, my family seems to be somewhat technologically behind on things. Most of them don't know what it is, much less how to join and find me on there. However, my fiance's family is quite the opposite. If I am on and my fiance is not, I have now learned to select the "go offline" option immediately. Why? Because I turn into the messenger. Not only do I get to relay the oh-so-important messages of calling his mother or father for no reason to my beloved fiance, I get to pass on information he forgets to call them about and then suddenly remembers whenever I'm online. It's truly amazing how his memory works.

2. Zynga Games - They are addicting. Suddenly we have to be home before our crops wither on our farm and grapes are incredibly profitable. On top of that, I've owned strip clubs and robbed drug lords while my mafia ices thugs. I am now a farmer with a mafia. Fear my lonely pink cows!

3. Status Updates - If I'm not asking what someone is up to, I highly doubt I am going to care when their next doctor appointment is, that their child has a 102 degree temperature, or the pictures from the party at Sarah's. Perhaps I have too many friends that I accepted friend requests from and cared nothing about, but people update about things that I find incredibly pointless.

4. Requests - If you ever take a break from Facebook for a couple of days, even one day, you're bound to come back to a whole list of requests. Some fish food for my aquarium, a goat for my farm, a sandbag wall for my mafia, a heart, a virtual drink, a kiss from someone in YoVille, a ribbon for domestic violence, a ribbon for breast cancer, a pillow fight request, a penguin for my zoo, and who knows what else. You might say just ignore them and I do for the most part. But people have too much time on their hands. By the time I get through the list, there's more waiting.

5. Events - All of the sudden, people see you being on Facebook as a golden opportunity to make money. Lia Sophia jewelry parties and charity events for people I never knew flood my inbox, waiting for my "yes, no, or maybe" reply. I always select no, yet still continue to get invited. And on top of that, I get to look like the bad guy that doesn't want to help Jeff raise money for his sister's boyfriend's cousin's mother who has a flesh-eating disease that has made her look like Gilbert Gottfried. I am a terrible person.

6. Co-Workers - The minute you don't add someone from work, the drama begins. Maybe it's just the way most women seem to be wired, but it's taken like a jab at their very soul. They never talk to me at work, yet they feel the need to know what I'm doing on my weekends and tell me how their life is going every few hours? Sorry, my life isn't quite that boring yet, but I'll be sure to update you when it is.

7. Relationship Status Updates - Recently, I changed my relationship status after I returned from a trip engaged, instead of dating. The moment I changed it, numerous things happened. I was congratulated from many people that I never speak to. And the ads on the website changed as well. So not only was a presented with wedding ads galore, people that truly did not give two shits pretended to because that's what's accepted as the social norm. On top of that, if we were to break up, I don't think I would like to announce it to the world that, according to them, I have failed at life and will die single and miserable.

8. Quizzes - I am guilty of taking a few. Well, only one that I can remember. I was quite interested in knowing how long I would last in the event of a zombie attack. It was 2 weeks, but I am way smarter than that. Nonetheless, I have never thought that a quiz was the best way to tell me who my celebrity crush was (hello, David Hasselhoff!) or if I was a bitch, slut, or ho (my guess is probably a bitch.) Maybe it's just me, but I don't know that quizzes are the best way to discover myself. What do I know though - I haven't found the quiz on that yet.

9. High School Attitudes - Some people never grow out of that phase. Life is still about parties and being popular years after that all ended. I didn't get along with them then - why would I get along with them now?

10. Getting Out of Gatherings - Like I mentioned before, my family is not really technologically advanced at all. So if it comes to an event with them and I cancel for no good reason, it's not a problem. However, the minute I tell the fiance's family I'm busy or getting out of that charity event for the flesh-eating disease because I'm already going to a different charity event for bone-eating diseases (AKA: staying at home and sitting on my ass), I have to stay away from the computer. I cannot even think about going on Facebook or tending to my farm without someone stating "I thought you had that thing going on today." Busted. I must quickly make up some excuse that makes me look like a decent human being, such as my grandmother's last wish was for me to harvest my crops, and I felt I owed that to her so I would make it to the next bone-eating disease event.