Dear You. 002

Dear You,

I'm not sure why you are the way you are but I'm convinced you have a loveless marriage which causes you to turn into a complete douche. While I understand you hate the fact that your mailman is possibly boning your wife, it's no excuse to be a royal asshole. In fact, that may be the very reason your wife hates you.

Going to his office when you are there gives me the creeps. I fear that if I don't dress in granny panties and the whole 80-year old get up, I'll be getting much unwanted stares that make me want Thor's lightning to come crashing down on you. One day, it will happen. And when it does, I will be a hero to every employee that works under you.

You have ruined numerous plans for me and I don't even work under you, which makes me loathe you even more. Holidays and trips are planned around when you wish to destroy everyone's hopes and dreams. You are completely foul and a total fake. Pamela Anderson's chest is more real than you are or ever will be.

Some day, you may chisel your heart out from under that ice and become a real person. Until then, I can only hope that your wife finds many more delivery men.

Sincerely,

Me